The Self-Driving Jalopy

A whiteboard, a phone call, and a discussion about software quality.

Every industry has its mottos: things people say that everyone in the room understands.

For a time, I kept those quirky outbursts on a whiteboard next to my desk. Moments of frustration, or moments of lighthearted humor, or moments of success. If it made one of us raise an eyebrow, or laugh, or sigh in recognition, to the whiteboard it went.

Over time I developed a reputation for my ability to say things concisely, in a way that wasted very few words and cut to the point. Eventually, the whiteboard went away, but the tendency didn't.

A friend of mine and I were talking about the many places AI was being used to improve things, but also how it was being used strictly for optics. We got into a spirited discussion about the impact of AI on legacy software. Engineering teams were bolting AI feature sets onto legacy, sometimes broken products just to say that it was AI enabled, rather than fixing the issues with the product itself. In a moment of clarity and frustration, I blurted out that it was like a self-driving jalopy. The thing didn't work, but at least it had a new paint job and could get itself across town if it managed to start.

My friend responded that I need to sell some of the things I said.

I chuckled and shrugged it off.

Minutes after the call ended, I thought, well maybe I should. The pun-based spelling, "softwear", came to mind... and then "softwear sayings"... and I felt something click. Off to the DNS registrar I went. The domain name was available... and so was the handle on all of the social media platforms.

The jalopy became the first Saying in the catalog, and the second line was mine too. The blurt supplied "Self-Driving Jalopy." "Quality Optional" came from what sat underneath it: the quality of the software was the root cause, and with AI on the hood, fixing it had quietly become optional. "Self-Driving Jalopy / Quality Optional."

With the name and the line settled, I was off to research print-on-demand systems and storefronts, not knowing what I was getting into. And I'll keep bringing those quirky sayings as they happen.